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My Story...
I believe music is the essence of life... Please press play to hear music that has inspired me on my journey to help my child.
A little bit about me and my family...
Before I had children I worked in Human Resources for 13 years at two fortune 500 companies. It was very rewarding, but I always knew that I wanted to be a mother.
In 1997 I gave birth to my first son, Ryan. He was a healthy baby boy.
In 2002 I gave birth to my twins, a baby girl, Katie and a baby boy, Cole. It was a tough road during this pregnancy. I had two miscarriages after having Ryan and my twin pregnancy was originally triplets and we lost one baby at 8 weeks.
I was considered high risk and had many ultrasounds. About half way through a red flag went up. Cole (twin b) was not growing at the same rate as Katie. Could be nothing, could be something.... The doctors said the only way that I would know if everything was alright was to do an amniocentesis. I was not willing to do that. I had already lost three babies and I was going to take whatever God gave me. Let's just say I wasn't quite as accepting of what ended up happening as I thought I would be...
When I went into labor I was at home and decided to drive myself to the hospital. I wanted my husband to take Ryan to a day camp. My contractions got stronger and stronger as I was driving. I thought at one point that I might not make it and that I should call 911. Then I just kept going.
I walked up a huge flight of steps at the hospital. When I got to the observation area, they told me to put on a gown and lay down. Once I laid down in the bad I felt a huge kick and my water broke, so I thought.
One of the nurses checked on me and she had a look of shock on her face. All of a sudden there were nurses and two doctors surrounding me asking many questions... "Where is your husband, who drove you here, what did you eat today?" Peanut butter crackers in the car I said! One of the nurses looked really nervous and I kept asking her if there was something wrong and she wouldn't answer me. She told me to drink this horrible liquid, actually she practically straddled me and forced it down my throat. I guess you have to drink this liquid if you have to have a surgery and you have not fasted.
Suddenly they were rushing me down all these hallways on the gurney. I was holding on for dear life because they were going so fast. One of the nurses was screaming at me to let go of the bars on the side of the gurney so I wouldn't get my hands crushed as they pushed through all the doorways.
Then we were in the operating room. By then I was in so much pain that I was in the fetal position. They were trying to get an epidural in me while one of the doctors kept saying, just give her a general, anesthesia I guess.
Another nurse started yelling because she was trying to hook up EKG wires to me and she realized I still had my bra on. She just started yelling, "she still has her bra on". She tore it off and pulled it out by one of my sleeves. No modesty allowed in there. I guess when you are about to have an emergency c-section there is no place for modesty.
They started to cut into me and I started screaming that I could feel them cutting me. They didn't care, no small c-section scar for me, they practically cut me in half.
From the time I walked up the stairs of that hospital to the time I gave birth to those babies was 17 minutes.
I guess it really was an emergency. I was told later just how serious it was. At the time that I thought I felt might water breaking, what actually happened was a placental abruption. Katie's placenta had torn away from inside, it detached, a mother can bleed to death in minutes and sometimes the baby or babies don't make it. I asked one of the nurses later why the medical staff would not tell me what was happening at the time. She said that I was hemorrhaging so badly and that they did not want me to panic.
After the c-section I was moved into a recovery room. I was very nauseous from the morphine they gave me. By this time my parents and sister had arrived. I told them to go next door to get some lunch and that I would try to sleep. I was shaking pretty violently from the medication. Next a doctor came in that worked in the NICU. I asked him if Cole was okay. He looked at me and told me there was an 80% chance that he has Down syndrome. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. I still can't believe the doctor told me when I was all alone.
The next days, weeks and even months were a blur. Cole was in the NICU for 42 days, he had trouble learning how to breathe on his own and drink. He was born with bilateral clubbed feet. It literally looked like his feet were put on his legs wrong. They were completely turned in. He had to go through years of casting, splints and stretching. The dr. said at one point that he did not if he would ever be able to walk.
Cole had a heart defect, a disease of his colon and they could not get him off the oxygen he was on. My husband became so physically ill from all the stress that he came down with pneumonia in July. I spent many days driving from the NICU at one hospital to the pulmonary floor at another to see my husband.
When Cole finally came home he and Katie got a horrible respiratory infection that some premature babies get called RSV. They were both hospitalized and on oxygen. Cole ended getting RSV 4 times over a 2 year period and had to be in the hospital quite a bit and then at home on oxygen also.
He had a colon surgery at 6 months old with major complications. They removed 6 centimeters of his colon. There was scar tissue that formed inside him and things started to close down so I had to use plastic dilators daily for many months to keep things from closing down in there. They also, accidentally cut his rectum with a retractor during surgery and he had terrible pain from that also. I still don't know how he and I survived that time.
Now he is a healthy seven year old boy, he is amazing. He had a heart surgery about two years ago and that was the last major hurdle.
From the time I walked up the stairs of that hospital to the time I gave birth to those babies was 17 minutes.
I guess it really was an emergency. I was told later just how serious it was. At the time that I thought I felt might water breaking, what actually happened was a placental abruption. Katie's placenta had torn away from inside, it detached, a mother can bleed to death in minutes and sometimes the baby or babies don't make it. I asked one of the nurses later why the medical staff would not tell me what was happening at the time. She said that I was hemorrhaging so badly and that they did not want me to panic.
After the c-section I was moved into a recovery room. I was very nauseous from the morphine they gave me. By this time my parents and sister had arrived. I told them to go next door to get some lunch and that I would try to sleep. I was shaking pretty violently from the medication. Next a doctor came in that worked in the NICU. I asked him if Cole was okay. He looked at me and told me there was an 80% chance that he has Down syndrome. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. I still can't believe the doctor told me when I was all alone.
The next days, weeks and even months were a blur. Cole was in the NICU for 42 days, he had trouble learning how to breathe on his own and drink. He was born with bilateral clubbed feet. It literally looked like his feet were put on his legs wrong. They were completely turned in. He had to go through years of casting, splints and stretching. The dr. said at one point that he did not if he would ever be able to walk.
Cole had a heart defect, a disease of his colon and they could not get him off the oxygen he was on. My husband became so physically ill from all the stress that he came down with pneumonia in July. I spent many days driving from the NICU at one hospital to the pulmonary floor at another to see my husband.
When Cole finally came home he and Katie got a horrible respiratory infection that some premature babies get called RSV. They were both hospitalized and on oxygen. Cole ended getting RSV 4 times over a 2 year period and had to be in the hospital quite a bit and then at home on oxygen also.
He had a colon surgery at 6 months old with major complications. They removed 6 centimeters of his colon. There was scar tissue that formed inside him and things started to close down so I had to use plastic dilators daily for many months to keep things from closing down in there. They also, accidentally cut his rectum with a retractor during surgery and he had terrible pain from that also. I still don't know how he and I survived that time.
Now he is a healthy seven year old boy, he is amazing. He had a heart surgery about two years ago and that was the last major hurdle.
Our Little Cole, He is a fighter...